Orphanage Visit

I know that you have all been waiting to hear. Sorry that I didn't post sooner, but we were emotional exhausted. We met Sally at the airport and flew down. Sally is amazing. I was glad to be with her. She really helped get my nerves in check. While on the way to the orphanage, Jessica called. Jessica said to warn us that Zane is going to cry a lot. He gets it! They had a trial run last week when the birth family came to visit.
We arrived at the orphanage and Sally went to get his clothes on him. We heard him screaming from the next building over. They ended up bringing him in before changing him. And he was screaming and shaking. I knew that he would cry, but I really thought that we could calm him down. No such luck. They left us alone with him for about 5 minutes. We would try to get close, and he would just scream and tense up and run from us. Jessica and Sally came back in and suggested we take him for a walk. He loves to be outside. Sally went with us. I just held him. He was OK as long as he could see Sally. We walked quite a ways, up to the main road to buy bread. Zane was so heavy. Troy traded with me. And he was OK for Troy to hold him.
We got back to the orphanage, and Zane only wanted Troy. The workers were amazed by this. The kids never want the men. He let me feed him lunch, but Troy had to be holding him.
We went down to the nursery, but Zane was crying so they had us stay outside, and they just opened the windows to see in where his bed was and such. It was so emotional to leave. I was surprised. I cried just like Zane was. All the care givers were saying goodbye.
Zane really was OK if Troy had him. He was calm the whole way to the train station, and slept the whole way back. When we got to our hotel room, he just cried and cried. Hardest thing; wanting to comfort him, but your touch makes him cry more.
We went on a walk to find some dinner. He was so happy to be outside; talking and clapping, and smiling. We walked for 2 hours. He let me feed him, as long as Troy holds him. It was 7 p.m. now, and Troy and I looked like death. We did not sleep the night before. We were so nervous. We came back to the hotel, and as soon as we got into the elevator; more tears. We fed him a bottle and gave him his medicine that he is on. He just cried and cried. He fell asleep at 8:00, and hasn't cried since. It is now 5:00 in the morning. Troy and I both thought that we were in for a long night, so we crashed right when Zane did.
I am so sad that I can't give him a love yet without upsetting him. That is just how Mattie was, but with Troy. It took a few days for her. So I am hoping soon. But the plane ride home...it could come in handy that he only wants Troy.
It really was a great pickup. The staff is amazing.
Love you all.